Friday, June 29, 2012

Look To Me


I lift my eyes to the mountains-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, 
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121: 1-3

Who is with me that June 2012 has been a most trying month?  We’d just returned from my mom and stepmother’s funerals when our house was hit with a pretty fierce respiratory virus.  And just as I thought we were heading into a decent weekend, Teagan and I began throwing up this morning.  While the virus has left our family depleted, it has made us even more grateful for my girlfriends who have so sweetly continued to shower us with love and family meals again this week.


That is a great word to describe my emotional and physical status today.  I admit the grieving process was so much easier at the beginning of this week when I could get outside and run errands in an attempt to get our family back to normal.

With the virus in full swing we’ve been confined at home where I am surrounded by life filled with reminders of Shirley and mom, their absence magnified.  Toys they gave to the kids, pictures, trinkets, treasures…they all somehow remind me of them.

At times I’ve woken from a sleep, panicked at the realization that they are gone from this world.  And I wonder, what is God’s plan for me?  Will it be five, twenty, or forty years before we meet again in heaven? At times I breathe faster thinking, “How can I “do” life without these women in my day???”   And then I admonish myself for not remembering my blessings. Don’t I owe it to God, my husband and children to live in these treasured moments, regardless of loss?  Is it a sin to be so sad knowing the wonderful place they are in?  Shouldn’t I be able to rely on His promise of a glorious eternity with the knowledge that we are just vapours, here on earth for such a short time?

But then, what to do with moments, such as clearing most of the 82 messages on my answering machine? Moments that leave me mesmerized, desperately yearning to hold on to mom and Shirley’s voices forever…

Yes, I’d planned a different post for today.   One that was more upbeat.  Positive me.  Looking forward to a fun July and all of the summer fun that goes with it...but I feel God is whispering over and over a different message to me:

Look to me….when you are physically weak
Look to me…when your heart is aching
Look to me …when you feel lost
Look to me…and I will use this sadness to make you stronger
Look to me…and I will always triumph over worldly concerns
Look to me…and I will show you joy

My mother shared this verse with me after her first surgery.  She loved it and what a comfort it provides to me today:
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
As our day gets moving, albeit slowly here, will you join me in looking to God?  Will you ask for His help if like mine, your soul needs to be restored?  Will you rely on Him if you have little physical stamina and strength?  Can we place our trust in Him together, knowing that He has a plan for us that is good, and will bless us?
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

God, please help us to turn to You.  Only you, when our hearts are sad.  Help us to rely on you when we have little strength. Thank you for triumphing over the world, over the lies and obstacles Satan places in our paths during these times to lead us further away from you. 

I am so excited that my senior pastor will be teaching words of encouragement this weekend that will no doubt help during times just as these!! Praise God for His wonderful timing which knows what messages our hearts need most.  In the meantime, if you have a prayer request it would be my privilege to pray for you and your family.  

Please leave a comment below or for more privacy write me at

Have a blessed weekend.

Monday, June 25, 2012


Come and rest here
Come and lay your burdens down
Come and rest here
There is refuge for you now
You'll find His peace
And know you're not alone anymore
He is near
You'll find His healing
Your heart isn't shattered anymore
He is here

For everyone who has been praying for my family, bringing us meals, offering a hug either physically or spiritually, I can't thank you enough. We feel truly blessed and know God is here in this moment, using all of you to provide comfort. 

My mother, Maureen, passed away on Saturday, June 16th. A few months ago mom told us that there ought to be a word in the dictionary to describe loosing one's mom, for it is unlike the pain of anything else in this world. 

At the same time she assured us that she was not afraid to die. She was God's daughter and knew she would spend an eternity in heaven with him and be ready to welcome the rest of us when our time on earth comes to an end. 

Did you know everything is new in heaven? It is so comforting to picture mom with a new body. Gone will be the one she had here, crippled by rheumatoid arthritis and medicines that damaged her organs, stage 3 ovarian cancer, septic shock and finally, pneumonia. Now we imagine her running, jumping and for the first time in a long time being able to play her beloved music on a heavenly piano. Go mom!

I'll close my post with this beautiful song Here by Kari Jacob that we played in mom's hospital room and again at her her service. Today is a quiet day for me. Home. With reminders of mom, my stepmother Shirley and my dad around me. All gone in less than one year. So I am trying to  make the most of every moment God has given me here. I so hope you are enjoying your moments today as well. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The "C" Word

There is a word that has invaded my family. It has made my heart stand still. Cold. And scared.


I never understood it. And I always feared it. But I reasoned it didn't really "run" in my family and so it couldn't possibly insert itself into my world.

In the last few weeks cancer has taken its toll around here. I understand it now. I can say the word "cancer" without fear of somehow making it magically appear. But none of this matters. In the end, it is a big freight train rolling through our lives that I just.can't.stop.

Cancer took my stepmother's life last week. And now it wants my mother. What a cruel summer. You may think it an odd perspective, but it has also been a time full of blessings. And immeasurable hope. I know God is holding us in His arms, providing comfort. His Truth and the gift of salvation reminds us that we are just vapors in this world. That he has a heaven, glorious heaven, in store where my mother's broken body will finally, finally, finally be at peace. Where she will run and jump. And feel wonderful. Praise God!

And I know one day, I will use this time to walk beside the brokenhearted. I don't know that I would have been brave enough before.

I will be back to blogging soon. In the meantime, can I please ask Teagan's Travels friends to pray for  my mother, Maureen? We still pray she will be healed but above all we can't bear to see her suffer. And please pray for our family that is exhausted and under so much stress at the moment.

My love to all,